family dining room ideas uk
if there’s one thing that all families havebeen told it’s have family dinner with your kids. and the truth is there’s a lot ofresearch that says it’s great for children. the problem is that many people can’t doit. a third of us are not doing it regularly. americans ranked 33 out of 35 countries interms of having family meals together. but dig deeper into the research and it’s quiterevealing and actually quite hopeful for parents. it turns out there’s only ten minutes ofconversation in any mealtime. the rest is taken up with take your elbows off the tableand pass the ketchup. but it’s that ten minutes that really matters.so if you can have family dinner, fantastic. but if you can’t you don’t have to feelguilty or doomed if mom has to work late or
junior has a sports practice. you can timeshift family dinner – another idea taken from outside families that can help families.so have family breakfast. for a bedtime snack at 8:30. even one meal – one on the weekendscan have the same benefits. let me mention just a couple of things youcan do to reduce stress at the dinner table and a couple of things you can do to increasecommunication. first of all let’s talk about siblings whoare fighting at the table, okay. sibling rivalry is a huge problem in families. as the fatherof twins i certainly know that. and the research shows if you give your kids a task to do,say ten minutes before they come to the meal time, that will remind them that they canwork together and they actually get along.
and that will have a halo effect and carryover to the meal time and reduce stress. so actually having kids set the table or helpyou prepare dinner – even a few minutes before dinner can actually make the dinneritself less stressful and more bonding. but the research clearly shows that familiesshould spend less time worrying about what they do wrong and more time focusing on whatthey do right. so what can you talk about at dinner that’s gonna help your family.here’s two quick ideas. one, play a game called bad and good. have everybody go around,say what happened bad to them and then go around and say what happened good to them.and here’s the key. the parents should do it too.
there’s something about the actual taskof parents showing that they have problems too. that they have challenges – thingsthat they’re solving in real time that gives kids confidence that when they have a challengethey can overcome that challenge also. the second thing you can do – and maybeeven should do is talk about your family history. this is my single favorite tip from the secretsof happy families. researchers at emory gave kids a do you know test. do you know whereyour grandparents were born? where your parents went to high school? an aunt or an uncle whohad an illness that they overcame. kids who knew more about their family history had ahigher sense of self-esteem and a greater belief that they could control their own lives.it was the number one predictor of a child’s
emotional well-being. and as the researcherexplained to me, these kids have a sense that they’re part of a longer narrative. a bigfamily that goes back generations. there are three types of family narratives– ascending. we started with nothing. we worked hard. we have a lot. descending – wehave a lot. there was a storm, a war, a recession. we lost a lot. or an oscillating narrative– we have ups and we have downs. and kids who understand that they come from an oscillatingfamily history know that when they hit a rough patch – and it’s gonna happen – theyknow, “hmm, my aunt, my grandfather, my parents pushed through. i can push through,too.†one of the number one ways i’ve changedas a parent as a result of working on the
secrets of happy families is being less afraidto talk about my own failures and shortcomings with my kids. if we just talk about our successes,we prepare them for a world where they’re gonna only have successes. but they’re notgonna only have successes. you want to prepare them for the difficult times and how to getthrough them. there’s a lot that’s conspiring againstdinnertime right now with families. so here’s a couple of pitfalls to avoid. pitfall numberone is that devices intrude. mom gets an email. dad has to get up to take a phone call. nodevices at dinner. there is a sacred time – 10, 15, 20 minutes where we’re gonnabe together. the one exception – you can google at dinner. if a question comes up andyou want to know the answer, pull out your
device and google it as long as you’re teachingsomebody something that can advance the conversation. just don’t take a peek at your email. pitfall number two – parents do too muchof the talking. the research shows parents do two-thirds of the talking at dinnertime.if that what happens you’re not taking enough advantage of the time together. so try tolet your kids speak at least 50 percent of the time.